WEED WEED WEED WEED

Anyone need some?

That's what a recent bulletin on MySpace read. Only this bulletin was not posted by one of my million hescher friends- it was posted by a girl I used to babysit from the time she was about a toddler to elementary school.

Once again, the Internet is giving me a very interesting glimpse into the life of someone I would have otherwise let go, except for the occasional passing thought. It's surreal to think about buying weed from someone who sat down next to me on a couch with a book called "Where Puppies Come From" and demanded a more thorough explanation. I remember when she used to pee her pants and lie about it, or when we almost got into a physical altercation (I'm not above beating up a kid) over some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups she wasn't supposed to be eating.

Now she has her lip pierced a few times, wears green eyeshadow and tells me about going to "Warp" tour. It almost makes me feel bad for my parents, because when I read her seven bulletins about having TREE and WEED, etc. I felt like maybe if I had told her where puppies really came from instead of saying "Ummm I'm not sure, maybe you should ask your Mom about that one... I know you peed your pants earlier by the way" she would have been able to resist acting like a weirdo. I wonder if every time my parents hear me tell my little brother to lick a girl's butthole they think back to the kid who charged them $1 for a painting of a green line and die inside a little bit. "Maybe if we hadn't let her eat nothing but popcorn for a year she wouldn't be suggesting that her 17 year old brother toss a salad".

I'm pretty sure there's nothing they could have done, but I feel a little bit like I can understand that sentiment now. I'd like to think that when it's your kid, the love you feel for them sort of overshadows the disgusting "Ahhhh what the fuck?" feeling I got when I read about the little druglord, but who really knows. If she's smoking weed, she's sucking dicks and THAT is fucked up to me.

I guess she figured out where puppies come from without my help. I don't smoke weed, but if I did I'd probably want to "Boof a J" (to quote Muriel's mom) right now.