I'm still alive. I'm a creature!

This probably doesn't come as a surprise to anyone who follows my blog, because I see or speak to most of them on a semi-regular basis. However, for any creepy lurkers out in the universe, I'm still around, I've just been too wrapped up in a lumberjack to post anything (literally).

Anyway, a lot of really weird things have been happening to me, as usual, but I fucked up today and thought it was worth blogginn'.

I get the same thing for lunch every day, from the same restaurant. When I call, I say the exact same thing every time. It's to the point that the girl just says my order when she hears my voice. I like that, because I completely hate ordering food. It's awkward and I mumble, then have to repeat myself, etc. Every day I pay with my debit card, and leave the same tip. I say "Hi" to the people working regularly, but lately I've been feeling like I should engage them in a little bit of conversation, to avoid seeming like a pedophile or serial killer or something. This can be filed under "incorrect urge" in my brain, just like humping stuffed animals throughout my youth. Similar to my urge to hump stuffed animals as a child, I was unable to resist. For what it's worth, I had better luck violating my toys.

My first mistake was switching up the routine. Yesterday I marched in there and paid in fucking cash. The girl looked like she might explode a little bit and said "I don't think I've ever seen you pay with cash before!" I really didn't know what to say, so I just responded with a simple "Yeah, but I do sometimes.... haha," and then I wanted to die. Instead of throwing myself into traffic, I went back to work and ate my lunch while reading the same blog I read every single day.

I guess, in order to paint this picture more vividly, I should probably note at this time that the restaurant I frequent is in a strip mall in Redford. It's right next to a "career placement/advancement" agency so it's always teeming with fuck ups and people trying to run me over. This is the kind of strip mall that pays homeless people to hold up signs touting exciting deals. There are always multiple felonious skanks screaming on their cell phones, etc. It's a total cluster fuck and if the food wasn't amazing and I wasn't such a fat ass on the inside I wouldn't bother.

ANYWAY!

Today I went back, and decided not to throw anything off. I pulled out my debit card to pay, but since I had paid with cash the day before, we had to talk about the fact that now I'm back to debit. I started to tell the girl that I'm a "creature of habit," (which is one of the million stupid phrases I use that I should quit) but I didn't get any further than "I'm a creature..." when this mammoth bitch crashed through the door using her "outside/ lost in the middle of the woods and desperately needs rescuing" voice demanding a refund on her $5 hamburger lunch special. Who fucking orders a hamburger at a middle eastern restaurant?

So this Goliath is losing her fucking mind about the hamburger, and I have absolutely no time to finish my phrase! I'm standing there, and the girl is looking at me like I'm retarded or something because I just told her I was a creature. I felt so creepy! I was completely startled by bad burger rhino and I couldn't find it in myself to correct the situation. I paid, left, and now this girl I see more frequently than most of my friends and family thinks I let her know that "I'm a creaaatureeee" with heavy purpose and seriousness.

Fuck.